Peyton's Place

Peyton Manning is perfect, a genius really, he is the embodiment of flawless precision at the Quarterback position. The way he changes play calls at the line appears seamless in its brilliance yet effortless in its effectiveness. Let's face it Peyton's understanding of defenses makes Bobby Fisher's understanding of a chessboard seem pedantic. I'm not even sure what pedantic means, but I know that Peyton's sweat contains the cure for the irrigation problem in Ethiopia. 

One of my favorite things about Peyton's flawlessness if- wait WHAT? What do you mean they lost? But that's impossible. Weren't we just discussing whether or not Peyton ranks higher than Joe Montana and Tom Brady? 

Brees and the Saints played to win from the drop and never took their collective foot off of the gas. It wasn't flawless (Bucs loss) but the right team won the 44th Super Bowl.

Look, Peyton is one of the all-time great quarterbacks. No argument, but he isn't in the top five all-time. Until further notice he ranks just ahead of the Dans, Marino and Fouts. That's it, no higher than that. Congrats on the stats, but they don't mean di(& unless you win. In fact if Drew Brees continues winning championships Peyton is going to slide DOWN the list.

The Colts got cute late in the season by easing off of the gas. Sure they beat the Ravens and the Jets but lets remember that the Ravens were playing with thteir fourth and fifth cornerbacks because of injuries and everybody considered the Jets the second coming despite the fact that they needed both the Colts AND the Bengals to mail it in in order to even make it into the playoffs. 

Mean while the Saints were forced to beat two of the best five offenses in the league in order to MAKE the Super Bowl. The paths were different and the Saints were forced to play with the pedal down the whole way. 

The Colts played "well enough," to make it to the Super Bowl. That's great and all unless the other team doesn't roll over. Teams that win championships play with the killer instinct from week one until they hoist the Lombardi Trophy and the Colts didn't do that. 

It's just the way that it works. YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME. Maybe Peyton and the boys would've had a different outcome tonight if they had taken that motto to heart.

Rooting Interest

Super Bowl Sunday is like a minute an a half away and I still don't know who to root for. What to do?

Here's the typical thought process. I love the Steelers, which means I hate, in order: The Ravens, Browns, Bengals, Raiders, Patriots, Cowboys, Broncos, Dolphins and Titans (they used to be the Oilers afterall). The last six are ranked on a sliding scale depending on the year. So when it comes to the Super Bowl, I have been really lucky over the last several years because it was easy to determine my rooting interest. You see typically the Steelers are in the Super Bowl and on the very rare occasion that they aren't  I can typically count on rooting against the Patriots, Ravens, Raiders, Broncos, Titans or Cowboys. 

This year is different, because by some weird circumstance none of the aforementioned teams made it to the big game. This year we have the wholesome Indianapolis Colts and the real America's Team, New Orleans Saints. The only fair thing to do is weigh all the issues that are the pertinent:

Most Popular Player-

Most people immediately jump on the Peyton's-such-a-good-guy bandwagon, but not me. The guy that is the easiest to root for on the Colts is...Pierre Garcon. Garcon fits the classic hero out of nowhere mold and to make him even more likeable he's from Haiti. He played inspired football in the AFC Championship Game and is gracious and humble.

For the Saints you have to take Drew Brees. Brees has all of the intangibles that made Doug Flutie popular with the added bonus of being well liked by his teammates. This guy is a hard working over achiever in a 6-foot softball player's body. He used to beat Andy Roddick in tennis, back in the day, and has quietly helped nurse New Orleans back from Katrina. Watch his pregame chant with the team and you will want to run through a wall for him.

I know it might seem unfair but I'm an under achieving 6-footer in a bowlers body so I'll take Brees. Saints 1-0

Most Annoying Player-

When he was with the Giants the answer would've been Jeremy Shockey in a walk. But since he moved to New Orleans he has been hampered with injuries. His health coupled with getting away from the New York Media, the big jerks, Shockey has appeared humbled and much less annoying.

So for me, the most annoying player on the Saints is...Reggie Bush. This guy was made out to be the next of O.J. Simpson. The speed, the explosiveness, the suddenness. The national media told us he had it all, he was the complete package. But in his four years in the league he has accumulated just UNDER 2,000 rushing yards. In four YEARS. T-O-T-A-L. So unless he starts killing people, Bush doesn't share any attributes with the Juice. In fact, everything about Reggie Bush is overrated...including his girlfriend, Kim Kardashian. Wait a second...Kardashian...how about that, there is an O.J. connection afterall.

Perhaps the most annoying thing about the Colts is that they don't have enough personality to BE annoying. Peyton's kind of annoying, I guess, you know with all of the hand jestures. He approaches the line of scrimmage like he's got flag duty on the tarmac of O'Hare. Ok, I don't really find him that annoying I just wanted to work "tarmac" into the blog so I could win a bet from a buddy of mine.

So, anyway, most annoying Colt. I'm going with Jim Irsay. His family was ultimately responsible for moving the team out of Baltimore, I hate the Ravens, the Baltimore Ravens wouldn't exist if not for Irsay, ergo through the Law of Syllogism I hate Irsay.

The Colts complete lack of interesting characters makes this another win for the Saints. Saints 2-0

Home Town/City

Let's see Nola versus Indianapolis. Hmmm. How do I decide on which city to root for. It's so hard. I mean how do you determine which city is more interesting and rootable?

New Orleans is known for its music, cuisine and ambiance while Indianapolis is famous for...uh...hrum...ah...being located in the middle of Indiana? No, that's not fair. Let's investigate a little further. I'll just open another tab here and use, the always reliable and incredibly accurate, Wiki-pedia. And search for Indianapolis, Indiana. This should give me everything I could ever hope to- What d'ya mean no results?
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There were no results matching the query. Indianapolis, Indiana doesn't exist. Nobody has ever heard of it.

Hey, wait a minute, my assistant Judy's from Indianapolis, so it must exist. Hey, Judy, get in here! This Green Tea is garbage and I thought I told you I hate things with a hint of mint. Don't give me excuses. The reason I called you in. What is THE coolest section of Indianapolis. You know somewhere that Kurt Vonnegut might have hung out, back in the day. Broad Ripple Village? You've got to be. Oh that's a real place? Because it sounds like the bonus section on Candyland. Sorry, thanks that's actually helpful. On your way. Oh, be a dear and bring me a chilled Kambucha would you...Grape, thhhhannnnks.

Ok, now we're getting somewhere. Broad Ripple Village. Ah-ha, says here that the motto there is "We're Open If You Are." That's promising...or really, really creepy. I mean, open to what? Maybe Indianapolis really does, as the kids say, have it going on. Well at least there's parking. Here's a picture of the hottest spot in Indianapolis.

Let's compare that to, oh I don't know, say the French Quarter. You know what? I don't think the French Quarter even HAS a motto. Which is totally lame. Now I've never been to New Orleans, but I'll bet that Mardi Gras thing is as overrated as Reggie Bush. Let's see here's a picture of a New Orleans hot spot...

Saints 3-0


Famous People


New Orleans has, grouped by category- writers: Truman Capote, William Faulkner, Elmore Leonard, Anne Rice and Tennessee Williams; musicians: Louis Armstrong, Lee Collins, Harry Connick Jr., The Marsalis Family, The Neville Brothers, Trent Reznor, Fats Domino, and Louis Prima; and finally Fat Loss guru Richard Simmons.


Indianapolis has, in order of importance- Kurt Vonnegut, David Letterman, Raggedy Ann, Dan Quayle, inventor of the sleeper-old Johnny Weaver and Vivica A. Fox.


It's a close one but, Saints 4-0


Miscellaneous

Nobody has been the architect to more Super Bowl losers than the Colts Team President Bill Polian

If the Saints win we'll get to enjoy Tom Benson dancing under his Umbrella, ella, ella.

Drew Brees is about three years away from losing all of his hair, and you know the old saying...Always root for the bald guy.

The Colts wussed out when they were staring an undefeated season in the face. The football gods don't typically like that sort of thing. 

Everybody is picking the Colts but hedging their bets by saying that they'd, "Really like to see the Saints win." Bull$#!+

Not me. I'm going all-in with the Saints. 

New Orleans 34 Indianapolis 28

I'm just Spiffballing here, but what if we try to hit their QB?

Greg Williams comments on that college radio program last week- What? Oh, really? You mean those guys giggling like school girls after one of the oldest cliched responses in football were "professionals". You're telling me they get paid for that? O-Kay.

Anyway, Greg Williams, Defensive Coordinator for the New Orleans Saints, used the always effective "cut off the head and the body will follow" standard response to an asinine question that was essentially, "Tell us what your gameplan is for the Super Bowl." Williams answered and followed it up with three or four accolades about Peyton Manning and the Colts offense. The only mildly incendiary comment came at the very end of the response when he said that his guys would need to put in a few "remember me" shots on the rare occasion that his team made it to the Quarterback.  

Was Greg Williams being disrespectful of Manning and the Colts? No, quite the contrary, he was actually lauding the future Hall of Famer and his ability to get rid of the ball long before a pass rush could ever get to him. So why all the hub bub over these comments. There must be something sinister at work here or ESPN wouldn't be making such a big deal out of them, right?

Perhaps everyone is making a big deal out of his comments because Peyton is concerned for his safety on the field? No that's totally moronic, Peyton Manning has had a bullseye on his chest, back and head since the day after the Colts picked him ahead of Ryan Leaf. And the fact of the matter is he almost never takes a hard shot. 

So that's not it. Let's see...hurmmm...I've got it the idea that when you hit the QB the whole team feels it is so revolutionary that every other team in the league just might institute a similar approach when they are putting a game plan together. 

That's it! Hit the Quarterback...hard. Pheew, I was beginning to think that this was just getting extra attention because of the Super Bowl. Well that and the suggestion that maybe, perhaps, the other team might want to take the NFL's prize pig out of the game. Boy, do I feel stupid. These comments really ARE a big deal.

Sorry everybody, nothing to see here, I was waaaay off base. This whole thing was over the idea that the other teams Quartarback must go down, oh, and he must go down hard...you know, so that the going down part is truly effective. Huh, that's weird...I just got the strangest flash of Deja Vu? Probably nothing.

[editor's note- Because these comments were made publicly about the aforementioned Cash Cow we are likely to see extra attention given to late hits and roughing the passer penalties. This sucks and I hope that I'm wrong but I would set the over/under for those penalties at three and a half.  Even the oft concussed Troy Aikman feels that the refs call too many penalties in the name of QB protection.]

Anyway, now that we have solved that little controversy the NFL can get back to the really important issues of the day. Like making sure that no one from New Orleans benefits from that "Who Dat?" slogan, because that's getting out of hand.

Chin's NFL Quatrains

I don't like to brag, but I have the ability to see the future. Nostradamus, Tarot, Ouija, The Great Karnak...morons. I choose to use these gifts for good. And at this time of the year I'll use it to predict the Super Bowl. In the interest of full disclosure I don't really want to do it because I'm a Steelers fan. Let's face it, I'm depressed, pissed, frustrated, angry and annoyed. But on the plus side, Rolando McClain is going to look good in Black and Gold.

Anyway, because of my apathy towards the NFL Playoffs without the Steelers I will have to revert to the time honored tradition and techniques used in sculpting to come up with my prediction. It's like that famous artist Mikey Angelo used to say, "I look at a slab of marble and just get rid of the parts that don't look like a big muscular man with a small penis."

So here it goes.

Unlike the rest of the National Media I will spend NO time talking about the Vikings chances. They have Favre at Quarterback and I am on record as saying that the last play of the season for Minnesota's Offense will be an interception. They aren't going to win anything. I can't wait to speculate on Brett's football future.  2Br~2B

Another team that doesn't need a lot of thought to eliminate are the Colts. They tanked the last two games of the season which hasn't worked for the last, um let me see....DECADE! Only one team has won the Super Bowl in the last ten years when they mailed it in during the final weekend. That team was the 2002 Bucs and while they may have rested their offensive starters, their offensive starters were Michael Pittman, that loud mouth wide receiver from ESPN, no not Cris Carter. He put up numbers when he played. I'm talking about the other guy. Anyway those two guys and starting Quarterback, BradJohnson. For some reason they rested him even though his only previous success was in a '80s TV show were they wore sports coats without shirts and solved crimes accompanied by Phil Collins music.

ANYway, I'm sure that the Bucs won because they gave those guys a rest. It probably had nothing to do with the defense...which rested nobody during their shutout of the Bears. Bottom Line the Colts aren't winning the Super Bowl either.

I could wow and amaze you with statistics and theories to support the next two eliminations but I'll be honest instead. I'm a STEELERS fan so the Balt-E-More Birdies and the Cincy Bungles are out.

I like the innocence of the Jets. Rex Ryan is a breath of fresh air in his pressers and I think that players love him. I also was a huge fan of both Darelle Revis from Pitt and Shonn Greene of Iowa before their respective drafts. Revis could be used as a return man as well ala Rod Woodson and Greene reminds me of Barry Foster...did I mention that I'm a Steelers fan? The only problem with the Jets is the rookie Quarterback. No team has ever won a Super Bowl with one and THIS rookie never won a big game in college. Sanchez won Bowl games but only after USC was eliminated from the National Championship by Cal or Oregon State. The Jets won't do it, not this year.

I hate New England, but I have to give them a punchers chance because of Brady and Brady alone. That defense is terrible, they can't pressure the Quarterback and the secondary is gawdawful. In fact the only talent on that side of the ball is Jerod Mayo and he still has a ways to go before we start talking about him in the same sentence as...oh, I don't know say JACK LAMBERT. I'm kidding, he's not even as good as Levon Kirkland, er- James Farrior. Hardy Nickerson, I mean David Little. Jerry Olsavsky, he isn't as good as Jerry Olsavsky yet.

What were we talking about? Oh, right the Pats. I'm afraid to say, and when I say afraid I mean totally over the moon about it, that this just isn't the Patriots year.

So that leaves San Diego in the AFC, but I am NOT picking the Chargers because Norv Turner is still the coach of that team and you know what that means? That means that Norv Turner IS STILL THE COACH OF THE TEAM. I would say "sorry" to all of the diehard Chargers fans but there aren't any.

The Saints are out because they were never that good to begin with. Too many holes and they hit their stride too early in the year. In this case I do apologize to the Saints faithful, because despite a bad economy and a devastated community they honestly support this team. Of course there isn't anything better to do in Nawlins than rooting for the Aints. Well nothing better to do that won't land you in jail. So what're ya gunna do 'bout dat?

The Dallas High-Def JumboTrons aren't going to win the Super Bowl either. I just can't pick a team where the Quarterback so consistently comes up small in the biggest moments. And don't forget that Romo is back to acting as the team's holder. Sorry JumboTrons you won't be playing in February, but at least you will have a really big f@(&ing TV to watch the Super Bowl from home. Turns out that the real reason they put a whole in the roof was so that God could watch TV. [editor's note- Jerry Jones is going to fire Wade Phillps. This hurts to type, but look for Cowher Power to find its way to Texas.]

So that leaves the Eagles, Packers and Cardinals. A quick breakdown of the strengths and weaknesses of these teams suggest an obvious winner. The Cardinals have been there before, but they also have an aging QB with a suspect defense and very little running game. The Packers have one of the five best QB's in the league, but a spotty running game, a weak pass blocking offensive line and they don't play well on the road. Finally, the Eagles have the most talented offense in the NFL, but also have a QB that likes to vomit at crunch time.

So it would seem that these three teams are pretty well balanced, right? I know what you're saying, "Hey Trip, you can't pick the Steelers so quit beating around the bush here and tell us your pick." 

Oh, yeah? Just watch me.

The Arizona Cardinals, or the Pittsburgh Steelers- Western Division, have everything that you need in a championship team. Unfortunately the strongest Steeler connection is with Ken Whisenhunt and Russ Grimm and they both hate the Rooneys for passing them over in favor of Mike Tomlin. So, the Cardinals? OUT!

The Green Bay Packers are really hitting on all cylinders right now and the only blemish on their late season record is that exciting 36-37 loss to...you guessed it the Steelers. But that isn't even the real connection. The fact is the Cheeseheads have Dom Capers at Defensive Coordinator. Capers was the Steelers D-Coordinator during the Greg Lloyd-Rod Woodson led Blitzburgh years. In fact Dick LeBeau was originally the Secondary Coach for that toupee wearing defensive genius. Unfortunately for the Pack that will lead to their undoing because Capers is still bitter that LeBeau gets all of the credit for inventing the zone blitz. It's close, but the Packers aren't going to win the Super Bowl either.

This leaves only one team, the Philadelphia Eagles. Is it because of Andy Reid? No. The experience of Donovan McNabb? No. How about the electric receivers Desean Jackson or Jeremy Maclin? Nope. The reason the Eagles will win...because they used to be property of the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Yep it's true, in 1943 Steeler owner/founder Art Rooney saved the Eagles for extinction by allowing them to join the Steelers for one season during WWII. Face it, there would be no such thing as the Philadelphia Eagles if not for the generosity and largess of the Pittsburgh Steelers. It's sort of like, you know, the way people credit Tony Dungy for the Bucs Super Bowl. Same thing.

HERE WE GE STEAGLES, HERE WE GO!!!