If You Love KISS, Then You Have To Try Groin Punching

Oh, man Friday is going to be one of THOSE days. My beautiful wife has invited one of her closest friends over for dinner. She's awesome, funny, good looking, intelligent and might be married to the single most annoying person on the planet. Ugh, it's hard to even write about. I really can't put my finger on it, but there's just something "Off" about this guy. No wait a second of course I can put my finger on it. If I couldn't put my finger on it I wouldn't have started this little rant now would I? Come on...use your head people.

Anyway. Normally, when I know I'm having someone over that I can't talk to without wanting to stab myself in the ear with a spoon, I'll have a "primer." Oh, you know a quick stiff drink right before they get there to prime the ol' pump. Unfortunately this guy typically takes his three hour lunch at 10:30 in the morning and then knocks off for the day in time watch the end of General Hospital. So five'll get ya ten that he'll be six deep before he walks in the door. So much for the primer theory. 

Ahhrrghh. I just remembered that he's going to go on and on about the Yankees. You see he's a "Yankee" fan. Oh, yeah he's a Yankees fan alright...he's about as diehard as a Patriots "fan." I mean everybody knows that Patriots "fans," as a group, are the biggest band wagon jumping, Tom Brady loving sycophants on the planet, right? That's a given. In fact, it says here that, according to the Elias Sports Bureau, 93.4% of all Patriots fans think Drew Bledsoe was the first Quarterback in franchise history, know Craig James as the father of the kid that got that coach fired at Texas Tech and that John Hannah signed the Declaration of Independence for Rhode Island.  

Well with that as the bench mark this guy, let's call him Will Byers, makes Pats fans look like Red Sox fans pre-2004. Let me put it this way Will's favorite Yankee is A-Rod and we'll leave it at that.

But it doesn't end there, you know the old saying, "the older I get, the better I was?" I HATE that saying. Ever time somebody uses that saying, or one just like it, the person saying it does so as though they have just discovered a new color. Look, Mark...Twain, why don't you put down Poor Richard's Almanac and get me a beer. Those kinds of sayings should only be used on birthday cards (preferably given to you by your ne'er-do-well Uncle on your mother's side) and bumper stickers.

Having said that, to hear Willy tell it he was the best Point Guard in New York without exception...well... outside of the City. I mean, technically, west of the Hudson River...er- actually west of Utica...and south of Lake Placid, no make that Watertown. South of Watertown, and west of Utica, but definitely no further west then Oneida. But right in that stretch between the years of 1972 and 1974, among men the ages 16 to 19, that were enrolled in Catholic School, slick Willy was the best. 

It's not that I don't believe him it's just that... Well he's so darn short...and slow...with very little hand-eye coordination. Look, I don't have a problem with short people, especially when they sit in front of me at movies, but in Basketball you have to be either really, really tall or a super talented athlete. There is just no other way to compete at the highest level of High School Basketball in the Leatherstocking Region of Upstate New York. 

Is our hero a good athlete? Good question, well let me put it this way, he recently tore his rotator cuff... PUTTING ON FACE PAINT... FOR A KISS CONCERT. What, oh, didn't I mention that he's a KISS fan? Are you sure? Oh, that's my fault. This guy is a member of the KISS Army,in fact I think he's a Private First Class. 

Pop Quiz, which is worse, being in the KISS Army and having a rank of Private First Class or making it to a Full Bird Colonel? No, I'm afraid the correct response was Milli Vanilli.

KISS...huh...it's surprising more bands haven't gone the way of clown paint as their hook. No, wait a second there's the Insane Clown Posse and Boy George and, of course, ACTUAL clowns. So that's something. I wonder why Jimmy Page or John Lennon never put on those eight inch heels. I'll bet Clapton is kicking himself.

Well, wish me luck.

As Per Request, I'll Let Future On-line Observations Last Seven DAY! 

Bracketology

I have been looking at some of your selections in the NCAA Tournament and all I can say is...you really weren't paying attention.

In the interest of education I'll give you a Hannibal Lector insight into the mind of someone that is singing along with their predictions...ME!

The Sweet Sixteen...well, the Fabulous Fifteen plus one


I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal out of the NCAA Tournament this year. I mean who didn't see this coming?

Like most of you I had Syracuse, Kentucky, Duke, West Virginia, Kansas State, Ohio State and Cornell making it to the second weekend of the tourney. I've been a BIG believer in the Northern Illinois- What, oh it's Iowa? Are you sure? I've been a big believer in those pesky Panthers of Northern Iowa ever since they thumped Indiana State. I am an especially big fan of senior Guard Ali Farokhmanesh, not so much because of his late game heroics but because with the addition of a single syllable his surname becomes an expletive.

Anyone that didn't have Tom Izzo and Michigan State hasn't been paying attention for last decade. He's the best coach in the country, period.

As a shameless self-promoter myself, I am morally obligated to support Bruce Pearl and Tennessee. He's a bi goof, but he seems to really enjoy the job and he doesn't seem to be a stepping stone coach. Is he a hump? Yes, but he's successful so of course I had them as well.

Xavier has made it to the round of sixteen three years running, and as Crash Davis always said, "You never Farok with a streak."

As someone that lived in a Pac-10 city for three years I am something of an expert when it comes to West Coast Athletics. Now I haven't watched any Pac-10 college basketball since Eddie O, and Tyus Edney led the Bruins through the Final Four, but I think that the knowledge that I gained while I was out there has become innate. At any rate, of course I had Washington making it into the Sweet Sixteen.

I always bet on Purdue because it's my only opportunity to get behind a school with a drink as it's mascot. No mixed message there.

Let's see everybody had Baylor right. I don't really have that much insight here, but the Golden Bears remind me of Jack Nicklaus who was known as the Golden Bear, even though he went to Ohio State. And it got me to thinking about Tiger Woods. That whole thing is a mess of biblical proportions, but after reading through some of his texts I couldn't help but wonder what the New York Post's headline will be after the first day at Augusta, "Tiger Golden, Showers Delay First Round."

I had to look into the NCAA rule book but apparently hospitals ARE allowed to enter into the tournament as long as they follow proper recruiting practices. So because I have gotten stitches at three different St. Mary's over the years, I had them blowing past Villanova. No brainer.

The only team left in the field that I didn't get right was Butler. Butler, who likes Butler? The most famous Alumni from Butler is Jim Jones. Who is Jim Jones you ask? Only the religious wacko that was responsible for the deaths of over 900 people. Ever heard or used the expression "Drinking the Kool-Aid?" Well that's him. I mean even L. Ron Hubbard had the decency to let his followers become movie stars. And that other guy, you know the one that was chasing Halle-Bop, at least he gave out comfortable shoes.

Anyway, Murray State got jobbed. Butler sucks, I had Murray State. I always take Murray State, mostly because of Bill.

So that's how my brackets are shaping up, 15 for 16. Not bad. Not bad at all. I let you know how I do this weekend on Monday.

What was that? Post 'em, you mean before the games. Ha, and give away all of my secrets for free?

State of the Chin

I am absolutely floored by the information that exists when it comes to web traffic, amazing. I apologize for the lag time between posts but I have been sequestered with a couple of top internet data analysts at one of the premiere companies in the field to discuss the overall activity of this blog, Trip's Chin Music. I signed a non-disclosure agreement so why don't we call this company "Poodle."

Anyway, the borls at Poodle shared some pretty interesting information with me about the people that seem to be enjoying Chin Music. [editor's note- I was told to use the word "borls" from now on, it's a combination of boys and girls, I had suggested "goys" but that was vetoed for some reason. Anyway, it's apparently very important that I appear to be gender neutral. No wait, that came out wrong, I'M not gender neutral, I'm all man. Which is not to say that being gender neutral is a bad thing. They just didn't want me to use the term boys because it implies that girls can't do data analysis, which might impact my "Bounce Rate." Shoot, did I say girls? I mean't WOMEN. Women can't do data analysis... No, no, nonono- I mean they can, of course they can. I'm just saying that that is how it would've come across and nothing could be further from the truth. Although there weren't any women in the room... there is no doubt in my mind that women ARE, in fact, capable of data analysis. And I would like to make it clear that I am in no way suggesting that Poodle is at all sexist. In fact the person that got me my coffee was a boy- MAN, the person that got me my coffee was a man. SOooooo, that's something. Wait a second...what were we talking about. ] 

But back to me. I found out more information about this site than you can shake a stick at. For instance, it turns out that people in every state in the union have visited Chin Music in the last month. Well almost every. Rhode Island didn't register, or Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Missouri, Kansas, Nebraska, The Dakotas, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho (although I'm not sure they are still a state), Nevada, New Mexico, Arizona, Utah and the District of Columbia. Oh, wait and New Jersey.

WHHHHHAAAAAAT? Nobody in New Jeresey has checked out this blog? Are you kidding me? I didn't notice that before. My wife is from New Jersey. My in-laws called the Garden State home for the better part of three decades. It is the Garden State, right?  That's so weird I was just with the them the other day and they were going on and on about how witty and funny I am. They went on to say that in fairness to the rest of the family I should just sit quietly during meals, cocktails and small gatherings because everyone can access my thoughts on the world through the blog, located at TripsChinMusic.blogspot.com. They all talked about how they liked reading my blog with breakfast. Hhmm, seems strange that exactly zero people from New Jersey have seen the site?It just doesn't add- Ahhh, you know what? They do live pretty close to the Pennsylvania boarder so maybe they just pack up the ol' 1993 Macintosh LC III desk top and dial up the interwebs at a Barnes and Noble. They have phone jacks at Barnes and Noble right? Yeah, that's probably it. Phew, there's ALWAYS a logical explanation, sometime you just have to dig.

Anywho, I also learned that tens of thousands of people have visited the site, some for as long as three minutes and seventeen seconds. There really isn't four minutes of content, so that's totally understandable. I have also been getting some really interesting feedback from you, the readers. Some of you would like me to stick to sports, while others prefer that I focus more on entertainment and still a third group "don't find [me] interesting in person much less on the internet", feel that I, "write like a sixth grader without a spell chekker," and that I, "should cease and desist all blog entries to TripsChinMusic.blogspot.com or risk further legal action," whatever THAT means. Hey, thanks for the feedback and keep it coming.

With all of the interesting bells and whistles at their disposal, "Poodle Stat-alytics" can also pinpoint specific areas where the site is trending well. This is very complicated and will go over most of your less educated heads but the upshot is I have some pretty hardcore fans in the Tennessee area. Apparently I have really struck a chord with a group of speed-reading cyber cowboys because they visit tripschinmusic.blogspot.com everyday for hours...although I find it odd that hey are never on the site for more than 7 seconds at a time. Talk about diehard, those guy-als rack up hundreds of hits EVERYDAY! What can I say, they can't get enough of Chin Music I guess. According to my dedicated on-line advertising specialist, its very common for clusters of people to find your blog when it hits the right nerve. He also told me that most of those people happen to live in Tennessee.

You know my wife laughed, and might've cried a little, when I told her that I was going to hire someone who specialized in the maximizing the monetization of blog. For only $2.99 per click.Well who's laughing now? Originally I had wanted to do Google Ad Words but then this guy e-mailed me. Talk about the Universe working for you. Came right out of the blue. Anyway I told this guy that I wanted to pay for each unique visitor but he told me that uniqueness is overrated, the key word for the Cloud 3.0 is "sameness." He says that as welcoming as I may be to other  people's differences, my writing really works best for people that are more homogeneous. Now I'm not gay, but he must know what he's talking about because he is a fully licensed Internet Marketing Consultant.

So things are moving pretty fast over here in Roch-Vegas, we have a bunch of new, really cool, interesting stuff that is coming down the pi- well, I guess technically we have new stuff you will have to determine the level of coolness and interest. At any rate, thanks for visiting my little rant machine and stay tuned will make more.



But perhaps the most interesting thing that I discovered in this little State of the Chin Music meeting were the demographics that I have tapped into. For example I do very well in the "stay-at-home-mom" ages 27-45, the "out-of-work-dad" ages 35-49, and the "reloading-web-surfers" male 18-35. Once again I was surprised to find out that my best demographic is the "bandwagon riding, fair weather enjoying, success piggy-backing, coattail gliding sycophants" ages 26-54.

This explains all of the harsh criticism I have received over the last several weeks about

Unfortunately for people with integrity loyalty isn't optional. It's that kind of blind faith that forces me to list Mad Dog and Glory on my list of overlooked movies of all-time.

Eric Massa is my Congressman.

Baset Chaudhry at Trinity

Ben Roethlisberger