Mama Mea Culpa

Pardon me for not getting all misty eyed listening to Mark Mcgwire's statement that he read over the radio/telephone. I don't want to hear that he was trying to protect his family or that anyone in his position would've done the same thing. He said that the last five years playing Howard Hughes on his multi-million dollar estate has been torture. The weight carried on his shoulders had become too much for him to handle. Wait a second, Mark you know what might help that weight problem...steroids.

Shut up, Mark I'm not buying.

The only reason Mark Mcgwire is coming forward is because he going to be the Hitting Coach for the St. Louis Cardinals and Tony LaRussa doesn't want it to be a protracted distraction to the team. And by the way, Mark Mcgwire is going to be the Hitting Coach, really? Why not Dave Kingman or Steve Balboni. Talk about a "golden parachute." If I ever come back as a major league baseball player remind me to play for Tony LaRussa.

But back to Mcgwire's apology. Mark followed up his phoned in mea culpa with an interview with Bob Costas and then Bob Ley. If you watch those interviews he doesn't answer ANY of the questions directly. And for some reason neither of those to bastions of journalism probed any deeper. It was as though Mark's teary eyes got them all confused and disoriented. Where's Mike Wallace when you need him. [editor's note- I hate that the days of hard hitting journalism are behind us. Nobody answers any questions any more and it seems to be ok with those people running the interview. Think about it. The only time anything truly news worthy comes out is through an athletes webpage, twitter or my space. Sure occasionally a press conference turns up something but there is never a hard hitting interview with no rules. Bring back Mike Wallace.] 

In those interviews Mcgwire said that God gifted him with the ability to hit Home Runs. No, Mexico provided that gift, maybe Balco, but definitely not God. God blessed Mr. Mcgwire with the innate ability to miss the ball completely and hit high pop-ups.

Mcgwire said that he realy, really wanted to admit to taking steroids when he spoke in front of Congress, and that it killed him to listen to those stories about the high school kids that died, but that he "couldn't" come clean because he was protecting his family. Really, Mark? You're going to stick with that story, huh? Ok, well why was it ok for Jose Canseco to admit to using steroids? It's not like he DEA broke down his door after that book came out and he laid out EXACTLY how he did it.

Don't get me wrong Canseco is as slimy as a real estate agent. Wait I'm a real estate agent, $#!+. He's as slimy as a pair of forcep- too much? Ok, Jose Canseco is so slimy...(HOW SLIMY IS HE)...He's SOOoooo slimy Rachel Uchitel banged him first.

Wait, what was I saying? Oh, yeah Mcgwire. Look, I don't think Mcgwire is an evil guy I just wish that he would come completely clean. Own it, don't play the victim. How can we possibly feel sorry for a guy that did something illegal in order to succeed. I mean it would be one thing if it didn't work. You know because then he's a big dumb pathetic moron that traded his soul for magic beans.

But that's not what happened. He cheated for selfish reason, he lied for selfish reasons and now he is "coming clean" for selfish reasons. He doesn't get to play the martyr in this story. He cheated and so far his punishment has been earning millions of dollars, marrying a woman that wouldn't have said hello to him if they were stuck in an elevator together for a month and being handed the St. Louis Cardinals Hitting Instructor gig after compiling exactly 30 more hits than strikeouts in his 16 year career.

Mark, if you want to come clean, come clean. Don't tell us that you don't want to stoop to Jose Canseco's level. As far as I can tell you'll need a ladder to get there.