My G.I. Joe Movie Review

Ok, I just got through watching G.I. Joe and all I can say is...it was great. I can hear most of you moaning from here, but the fact of the matter is that movie delivered on what it promised- which happened to be one and a half hours of bright shiny objects based on children's action figures.

Look, I know you guys are rolling your eyes an wondering how I can support such childish, mindless drivel, but I don't care. First, I have kids, so it helps to have the right demo with you, and, secondly, while I consider myself a movie junkie I don't consider myself a film snob. [editor's note- I don't think anyone that truly IS a snob considers themselves to be one] G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra was good clean mindless fun filled entertainment.

And while we are on the subject of mindless entertainment there are a few other things that I am going to put my full support behind. When it comes to mindlessness.

First up, Reality Shows. I hate Reality Shows on principle. I think that it's a shame more people don't pay attention to quality television. It really says something about our society. Having said that, I have never missed a single episode of Survivor. Deadliest Catch marathon? Joy on a stick. Look, my wife considers Big Fat Loser must see TV and I would be lieing if I told you I never cried while watching The Dancing Show, no NOT the one with the guy from America's Funniest Videos the other one.

Next on the agenda of mindless entertainment, the single self contained hour long drama. The whole reason that CSI and NCIS and Law and Order have 25 spin-offs is because sometimes it's nice to jump in and out of an hour-long series without feeling like you are LOST [editor's note 2.0- When I wrote that pun I cringed]. So for me sitting at the head of the class of effortless television enjoyment is Castle. Castle...you know, Castle? What? Come on you've heard of it...it's a T.V. show... starring Nathan Fillion...Nathan Fill- he's the guy that played Captain Hammer in the Doogie Howser Musical? Anyone? Come on, Fillion should be a major star, Stana Katic [editor's note 3.0- such a cool name and that's her] and the show is fun. Is it inventive? No. It isn't smart or important and there isn't going to be a "Very Special" version of it anytime soon. It is a simple whodunnit that's light, predictable and always fun. I like it. And there should be more of these kind of shows and fewer spin-offs. Remember Snoops, Private Eyes, or the original Cupid (Jeremy Piven before the Entourage gig)? Of course you don't, too bad.

I am also four square behind: 2.5 Men, Big Bang, Planet Earth, Edge NFL Matchup, After the Catch, any Logging Show, Suite Life, Phinneus and Ferb, Leverage, Robin Hood (BBCA), Mythbusters, and Baseball Tonight. Or reruns like Love Boat, Three's Company or the Brady Bunch. And why isn't the Six Million Dollar Man on?

I like John Grisham, Michael Crichton and Dan Brown. Let's face it, Grisham is an egomanical hack, Crichton wanted to be smarter than he was and my fourth grade son figured out all of the clues to Da Vinci Code once I gave him a mirror. Having said that I have read everything that they have written and enjoyed it all.

NASCAR on the figgin' Radio is amazing. The announcers actually speak out of the different speakers in the car...it's like they are running around my car...sort of like LAPS. Mindless and AWESOME!!!

Try to STOP playing that bubble game on your phone or any number of those solitare games on your computer. It's impossible right?

Which brings us back to movies. The list is too long to cover all of the mindless movies that I have enjoyed, so I will stick to genres. As long as it has been cast properly I like Predictable Romantic Comedies, Big Budget Action/Adventure, and Epic Love Stories. I'm not proud of it but the first three movies I can think for each are, in order, 27 Dresses, Legends of the Fall, Far and Away. Liked them all and have seen them each more than once.

So as I was saying, I found G.I. Joe one thousand times more interesting than Transformers and while it wasn't Up or 500 Days of Summer, I would gladly recommend going to see it...as long as you don't mind seeing a movie partially produced by Hasbro.

Beer?

"Beer?"

"It's seven o'clock in the morning, Jack."

"Scotch?"

John Hughes, as a writer tapped into a comedic vein that few ever find. Any time you watched a movie during the eighties you just knew when he had his hands in it. Most people that experienced their teen years during the glory days of parachute pants, vans and new wave music can list Mr. Hughes filmography off he top of their heads. He touched a nerve with all of us and he will be missed.

The silver lining, if there can be, is that a whole new era of filmmakers will be exposed to his writing. He didn't make, "movies that matter". But his movies did matter, it was his audience that didn't. Which I guess is why he spoke so clearly to it. His movies were easy and accessible. They were silly and goofy, but always poignant and relateable. Every one of his movies had a message that we could all get our hands around. Even Bueller offered, the whole "Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop to look around once in a while you could miss it." Is it deep? No. But neither were we. And that's the point. While he wasn't solving world problems, he was helping his target demo negotiate through puberty.

When was the last movie made that really tapped into that audience. High School Musical? People just don't make his kind of movies anymore. It is a shame that he never got the credit that he deserved while he was alive. He was also responsible for some of he best comedic performances of all-time.

Anthony Michael Hall deserved an Academy Award for his role as the Geek in Sixteen Candles. There I said it. He was BRILL-iant in that movie. I'm not kidding. Watch that movie again and tell me that he wasn't more worthy than Haing Ngor in the Killing Fields. I mean, I get it Ngor told an important story about Cambodia and we have all grown because of it, but he wasn't as good as AMH. There isn't a false beat in the performance. I mean, he should have been nominated for pretending to have the hots for Molly Ringwald alone. With apologies to Haley Joel Osment, it was singularly the BEST acting performance by a kid ever.

From Mr. Mom to Home Alone, John Hughes put together a string of characters that will stand the test of time. Matt Broderick, Alan Ruck and the creepy Jeffrey Jones in FerrisBueller. That movie will always a touchstone for high school coolness; John Candy in, well, everything; Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern and Mac Culkin in Home Alone, while the former two play the modern Stooges the later will always be the touchstone for childhood coolness with a heart; and Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom all benefited from the writing talents of Mr. Hughes. He knew how to speak to his audience and he never spoke down to them.

These days, for the most part, movies for children are geared toward the adults that bring them, with in-joke spewing magic genies and musical numbers that are so trumped up you'd think they were wearing a hair piece. And as for the current crop of Teenage movies these conveyor belt created, vomit inducing piles of Duce are so dumbed down that you wonder if the writers were actually in high school. If you don't believe me try and sit through anything brought to you by the producers of Stomp My Dance-Off, or whatever.

John Hughes was successful because he remembered what it was like to be a kid and he respected the growing pains we all felt during adolescence. He knew what it was like to be the brain, the athlete, the basket case, the princess and the criminal. Let's face it during the 80's he had us all brainwashed.

Sincerely...