Hump Day Part III- OJified

This is PA-thetic. Jay Leno has officially turned the corner where you start believing the lies. Humpy always brags about not having an agent or a manager. Well you know what? He needs one. That or Mavis needs pull the motor oil out of her ears during their sounding board sessions because he can't possibly believe what he's saying. I mean it's getting to be Re-god-damn-diculous.

Guys like Leno need to be punched directly in the face. Or the groin. Face or the groin, either. Let him decide. He really believes that walking away from the Tonight Show and that 10PM thing would've been the "Ego thing to do". That doesn't even make sense. It reminds me of a former friend of mine that tried to convince me that the "bravest" thing to do in the face of bigotry and racism is to say nothing. WHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAT?

I'm not a fan of Harpo but I have to give her credit for bringing up the two year golden parachute that was available for Big Jaw and his crew line. And she surprisingly didn't let him off the hook. Unfortunately she followed it up by asking if Conan was going to do his show. Really?

By the way Gayle should really get Miss O to participate in a few of those flash mobs of hers. I thought Nell Carter was asking the questions.

Asleep at the Switch

Ok, first of all I would like to apologize for the gap in content.

No, I didn't say lack of content. I said GAP. Yeah, yeah, I know this blog has always lacked real content. Whatever. Look what I was trying to say was that I have been remiss in my blogging efforts of late and I plan to make it up to you by-

Wait a second what do you mean LACK of content? This thing has been chalk full from the go. Or maybe you have forgotten all of the interesting tidbits that I have wrapped into a snarky little bow over the last five months. You stupid-

Ok, ok, let's put this whole "lack of content" thing behind us. You said some things, I said some things...let's start fresh, ok? Why don't I just empty out the oooooll notebook so we can start anew..

I don't want to bore you with a recap of the last ten days. I mean, what kind of a narcissist would I be if I laid out examples of my personal greatness? Have I predicted many of the events of the last couple of weeks, sure  when it came to predicting the events of the last several days on this very blog? It's silly and childish and I for one won't stoop to such-

Does anyone really care that I knew Tony Romo would come up small in a big game? Or that I said Norv Turner would find a way to coached the most talented team in the field just poorly enough to lose. Clearly not...but if you do it's here.

And I am sure that you people have better things to do than to reread some old entry about how the Jets are going to be a force eventually because Revis, Greene and Sanchez are studs, but nobody wins with a rookie QB. Am I right?

And sure some folks might take pleasure in pointing out that they predicted Brett Favre's last play of the season would be an interception. Or, and I quote,

Minnesota- Brett Favre, despite what you hear from Ron Jaworski, Brett Favre hasn't been a reliable QB since the turn-of-the-century. The last play of the year for Minnesota's offense WILL be a pick, write it down.   - Trip, Tripschinmusic.blogspot.com, SEPT, 2009

BORRRRRRRRRRRing! Who does that? And who would expect any less from the Great Dane from the Bayou. And who cares if Brett Favre threw two picks in the Championship Game anyway? This next part is far more fun and interesting. Now is the two-thirds of the year that we get to speculate on whether he will or won't play again. Riveting stuff. To be or not to be. [editor's note- I really wanted to do a whole thing on Mr. Wranglers (check out Kenny Mayne's piece) because as I have mentioned before NOBODY in the history of the game GETS a pass more than this guy. Both of his interceptions were awful, rookie mistakes and had Brees made them all of the pundits would have lambasted him for allowing the game to overwhelm him. It's why I have never been happier to see an interception...other than every interception the Steelers have made since 1975. Of course that didn't happen at all this year so I am trying to remember the feeling]

You aren't going to hear about how Jay Leno ruined NBC. You can read about that here and here. Nope not from me. But I will say that Late Night television benefits when NBC Executives are idiots. Letterman was always funnier when he was renegotiating his contract back at Late Night. Ever since his move to CBS he has been too fat and happy. Thank you NBC for destroying an empire because now we get the old Dave back. All bitter and filled with venom. The gloves have come off and I hope it continues. But that topic has been beaten to death, hasn't it?

They are going to "reboot" Spider-Man with Marc Webb from (500) Days of Summer [check the list to the right of the best movies of the year]. I mean who could have seen THAT coming?

And finally, Avatar became the all-time highest grossing movie today. Shocking? To some but if you are keeping track at home.

Look I'm not saying that I am better than 93% of you...I'm just saying that I'm smarter. It's like Joan Crawford used to say to her ten year old little girl, after beating her at tennis.

I'm Bigger and I'm Faster. I'm ALWAYS going to beat you.

-Faye Dunaway, Mommie Dearest

[editor's note 2.0- tripschinmusic and GEOL91 Entertainment is not responsible for the any of the following predictions: Mike Vick to Buffalo, The Steelers, Eagles or Steagles winning the Super Bowl, A-Rod choking in the playoffs, Colts losing momentum, or Tiger Woods playing poker at Ken Griffey Jr. house before Elin took a nine iron to his head. Those predictions were meant to be, you know, funny. Ironic. I mean the Steelers winning the Super Bowl again. How many times can one team win the Super Bowl...SIX]

Hump Day Redux

Well I hate to say it but I told you so...wait a second I LOVE to say I told you so. What was I thinking? It's, like one of my favorite things to do. In fact I hate it when people say that they "hate to say it." It's a complete lie. Not only are they excited to "tell you so" but they have been rehearsing it over and over in their head leading up to the opportunity to do so. There is nothing like bragging about your own personal brilliance.

So as I was saying, I LOVE to say so I told you so, Jay Leno has killed an institution, two TV shows and an entire Television Network. In case you want proof that I warned you check here.

Former CEO Jeff Zucker made one of the biggest mistakes in the history of television, maybe all of entertainment. Late Night Television was OWNED by NBC thanks to the Tonight Show and Saturday Night Live. Those two shows are institutions. Lorne Michaels was smart enough to keep a death grip on SNL but NBC has run the Tonight Show directly into the ground.

Believe it or not NBC started chipping away at the Tonight Show when they first replaced Carson with the unfunniest (that's a word right?) host in the history of the medium. [editor's note- I include Tom Green, Chevy Chase AND Carson Daly in that, but I don't pile on Magic Johnson because he won five NBA Titles and that should account for something.] While Leno eventually took a strangle hold on the ratings, the Tonight Show wouldn't have needed Hugh Grant's mea culpa to get them. The Tonight Show would've seemlessly transitioned had they chosen Letterman from the jump. Leno had NO following then and would've had to had to stand on his own abilities if another network had offered him a similar gig. We now know that he has none and he would've been off the air faster than Pat Sajak.

Jay sped up the Tonight Show death march by talking over the 10PM slot this fall which was NEVER watched, recorded or necessary. This caused people to leave NBC at 10PM never to return again. The local NBC affiliates lost ad revenue, which furthered the demise of the Tonight Show w/ Conan O'Brien. All toll Zucker's decision to appease Jay cost $200 million dollars. So not only does The Jay Leno Show get cancelled but Conan O'Brien is done as the host of the Tonight Show and the mystique of the Tonight Show is dead.

Conan O'Brien shouldn't accept NBC's terms to move back to the 12 hour, even if it means losing some of his guaranteed money. He should get as far away from Leno and NBC as possible. Conan should move back to New York, take the gig with Fox, open up about what a douche Leno really is and give up trying to be the nice/safe guy. No matter what happens Conan will forever be tarred by this New Coke decision and it's not his fault.

If Conan wants to really get back at Leno and NBC he should move to 11PM with Fox. This will further erode the dwindling ratings for the local NBC affiliates, which would be a game changer. If there is one thing that we can be sure of it's that Americans don't want to hear local news. That's why The Daily Show is successful and it's the main reason SportsCenter starts at 11PM. Nobody cares about local news. How else can you explain why Perez Hilton has more readers than the top three newspapers combined.

This story does have a silver lining or two. First Jimmy Kimmel should benefit from a passive lead-in from Conan at 11PM even if it is on a different network. People will just bounce from Conan to Kimmel and will avoid the talentless Leno and surly Letterman [editor's note- I'm a huge Letterman guy, but he has been almost unwatchable lately. Too political and angry. He hammered Susan Sarandon the other night to such a degree that I was rooting for her to just leave. Susan doesn't need that. You'd think Dave would be happy, what with Tiger talking his name off of the front page. I actually heard a friend of mine say that, "Well at least Letterman only cheated on his wife with one girl and they seemed to be in sort of a serious relationship." WHHATTT?]

The other person who stands to gain from all of this is Lorne Michaels. It is only a matter of time before NBC is forced to give Lorne the coveted Late Night Programming Czar title. Under Dr. Evil's directon, Jimmy Fallon will slide into the Tonight Show. Fallon is totally harmless and refuses to take any risks but does so in an affable way. Those are the kinds of traits that are perfect for the Tonight Show in this PC world. I think stars will prefer to go on Fallon's show, and Craig Ferguson's for that matter, because they get treated like a pretty girl on those shows. And there's nothing TV and Movie Stars like more than to be treated like a pretty girl..

The whole thing is a mess and I blame Jay Leno, but the rest of these guys should also be ashamed of themselves as well. Late Night talk shows have turned into an hour long product placement, with shoe-horned clips of early acting roles that were provided by the feigning embarrassed star's publicist and sprinkled with prearranged one liners. Shecky Green would get douche chills watching these shtick-happy hosts.

Until they sort all of this out I'll continue to watch Craig Ferguson because he is the closest thing to the Master that we have. Johnny Carson must be rolling over in his grave...fortunately he is probably rolling ONTO Carol Wayne.

From PARIS With Love?

I was enjoying writing about the Douche of the Decade, Lay Leno, when I saw a trailer for From Paris With Love starring John Travolta and his boyfriend protégé Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Whoa, slow down, there is NO reason to believe that either of these two gentlemen are gay. I have included a picture of  Mr. Travolta and Mr. Reese Mirrors because most of you wouldn't know John Rise Murmurs if you ran him over with your car two or three times. By the way that's Captain John entering the fuselage at left and Jonathan and his mom in a candid moment among hundreds of beautiful models at an Awards Show, below and to the right.

Anyway, I feel bad for John Travolta and his family after what happened to his son and apparently, while creepy, he is one of the really good people in Hollywood. But neither of those things allow you to be in a movie called From PARIS With Love. Are you kidding me? From Paris With Love. Really? Is the movie THAT bad? Why not call in Avatan? Or maybe Free Beer?

Maybe I'm wrong and this will be the beginning of Travolta's third resurgence, but this just screams of desperation. At least the talking baby movie was inventive. Talking babies...so funny, you know because babies don't talk. But if they did they would sound like Bruce Willis and when they looked at big boobs they would say, "Lunch." Babies...talking...talking babies, it never gets old.

And by the way I don't care if any of these guys are gay, straight or even French I just hate it when people, or in this case movies, pretend to be something that they're not. That's why I will never- trust anyone wearing a wig, vote for someone that says they have their state's best interest in mind before resigning their post as governor, get an E-Meter reading or watch Jay Leno.

Maybe all of those rumors about Scientologists Captain John and Little Tommy Cruise remaking Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid weren't that far off. Of course the only difference will be that this one will be called DUTCH Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Oh and it will SUCK!!!

Hump Day

Jay Leno must have pictures of somebody hidden somewhere because there is no less talented millionaire in the world. And that includes the New York City doorman that won the lottery last year. I mean at least that guy could open doors.

It is absolutely inexplicable to me that NBC, under the "guidance" of Jeff Zucker, would hitch its entire primetime wagon to this guy. Not only will this move fail, it will also kill the one sure thing NBC has always been able to count on, Late Night Progamming. Brandon Tartikoff must be spinning in his grave. This is a classic example of network executives being too smart for their own good. They absolutely over thought the whole late night thing. They were winning in the ratings and had proven that they could find a replacement in the 12:30 slot. So why not keep Leno where he was and let Conan walk?

Don't get me wrong, Leno sucks, I would rather watch Katie Couric's colonoscopy on a loop than sit through Leno interviewing anyone. But he had the ratings. For some reason people find watching Leno comfortable, maybe it's because he steals bits from Stern, Paar, Leterman, Allen and they know what they are going to get. I'm not a Conan guy either but at least he comes up with new ideas. Leno's unwatchable, I had to turn the TV off, during Sunday Night Football In America With Bob Costas, Keith Obermann, Dan Patrick, Rodney Harrison, Tiki Barber and Peter King, when the aforementioned Mr. Costas was forced to interview Jay.

The first episode of The Jay Leno Show was a perfect example of why Leno is out of his depth in primetime. Having Jerry Seinfeld on the show would have been topical...a decade ago, Oprah Winfrey's ratings are off by almost 10%, and that whole "Interview with President Obama" thing was schticky when Not Necessarily the News did it on HBO with President Reagan...IN THE EIGHTIES! No, Leno is awful and if Mr. Zucker knows what's good for him he will pull the ripcord immediately.

Speaking of talentless hacks, that Kanye West interview last night absolutely fell into Leno's lap... and  yet he did nothing with it. I mean, Leno must have a horse shoe buried in that chin of his because Kanye is the biggest get out there, this side of Phil Garrido. Why not have Kanye grab the mic from Jay during the beginning of the show? Maybe have Kanye read his list of Video Music Award Winners.  Something, anything other than Serious-Jay interviewing Mr. West about his mom. Seriously? Who is producing this drivel?

If I was Conan I would punch Jay in the mouth because the Tonight Show w/ Conan O'Brien has a very short shelf life as long as it follows The Jay Leno Show. The irony is that the only thing that will come out of this primetime experiment will be a punchline. Somewhere Johnny Carson is smiling.

The Jay Leno Show is going to be responsible for killing two talk shows at once...not even The Magic Hour could say that.