The Apocalypse is Coming

The End is Nigh

Let me get this straight. I've been in Canada for the last ten days and while I have been away:

1. Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize, apparently for run two Wars at the same time and keeping the Moon in check by firing two high hard ones into its surface, "looking for water." US-2, Moon-0

2. Also leading 2-0 are the Yanks. Apparently A-Rod has been doing his best Jeter impression and staking the Yanks to a quick two game lead over the Angles in the ALCS. If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times, the Black Crowes haven't produced anything worth a duce since the divorce.

3. The Broncos are 5-0 under the watchful eye of some kid that needs an adult in the car to drive after dark.

4. Bob Dylan is coming out with a Christmas Album??? What, for real? A Christmas Album? I suppose you are going to tell me that the hottest TV show in America is some lame High School Musical rip-off...

5. Some lame High School Musical rip-off is the Hottest show on Television.

6. Tell me if I have this one right. Some snotty six year old kid pretended to stow away in a UFO-like mylar balloon that his parents were building in the back yard. The same parents that had previously put their entire family on Wife Swap...TWICE and the only reason anyone questioned the validity of the story came after, hard hitting journalist, Wolf Blitzer made the kid puke? Ok, the vomiting came on the Today Show, but the only thing that got anyone asking any questions came after the kid slipped up? Wow, Edward R. Murrow and Walter Cronkite must be proud. [editor's note- I'm sorry I may be a cold hearted SOB but if you are making an experimental balloon in your backyard AFTER being on Wife Swap maybe it would be in everybody's best interest to insist that all of their children be placed in the balloon for safety reasons]


7. David Letterman's ratings are through the roof ever since he announced he had been sleeping with the interns. But the genius of the whole thing is that he specifically omitted that kind of thing from the LAte Show Sexual Harassment Policy. Brilliant. Somewhere Bill Clinton is waking up from a tequila induced fog and wondering what the hell happened.

8. LeBron James has Swine Flu. You know that kind of thing just doesn't happen in New York City, LeBron. Just sayin'.

and lastly,

9. While I was away the Swiss finally captured Roman Polanski. I hoped they used the cockscrew. That guy deserves to be put away for ever. But the most interesting thing about the whole Director-is-a-child-rapist thing is the support he gets from Hollywood "Intellectuals" and France. I have NO idea why the HI's support him but I am beginning to understand why France is in his corner. Obviously there's the whole "We give up" mentality they have implemented since they lost to England, but more recently I read that the Cultural Minister of France just released an AUTO-biography. In it he described paying young Thai boys to service him. Yep, that's right in his own AUTO-biography he detailed paying underage boys to pleasure him. Wrote it...himself...in a book. So when you step back the whole Roman Polanski thing really makes a lot of sense. [editor's note- Roman Polanski should rot for the rest of his life in prison and the prison should be in Antarctica and they should play Oliver Twist, Pirates and Dance of the Vampires on a continuous loop]

So I would like to apologize to everyone for leaving my post. I mean really if these aren't the signs of the apocalypse...trust me, stay away from the green bananas.