I am told that Political Correctness exists for the safety of others. And that's fine, because in many of the most egregious cases I don't understand or see the issue. However things are really getting out of hand.
Just last week I was sitting in my sons classroom, for one of those elementary school open houses, when the teacher quieted us parents down for some "significant changes in the methodology for shepherding our youths." Really? Are they "Ours" because if they are I will gladly have you come over to my house at three in the morning the next time I need to unclog my toilet. But I digress.
She continued to talk down to us by saying that she was no longer going to be using the phrase "That is inappropriate" with our children when they do something wrong. Instead the entire faculty and administration will be charged to say, "Well that was an unexpected event." Are you kidding me? An unexpected event? I mean "inappropriate" is bad enough, but an unexpected event? An earthquake is an unexpected event. The Hindenburg was unexpected. Chewing with your mouth open is inappropriate. Smacking the kid in the back of the room with a ruler so you can take their lunch money is bad and needs to have serious consequences to curb future behavior.
Have I said too much? Apparently I have or at least I did because my wife had to listen to the remainder of this lecture on proper parenting presented by this twenty-five year old wymen's studies wall flower on her own as I was escorted from the premises.
After my abrupt dismissal from the school grounds I found myself teaching everyone a lesson by drinking scotch and watching ESPN. I don't remember any of the scores but I do recall watching one apology after another. I watched mea culpa after mea culpa and the only thing I could think after each was, "these people are only apologizing because they are suppose to. These PC apologies have lost all meaning in the last ten years. No matter how absurd the comment, action or behavior there is an apology sure to follow.
Steve Phillips' apology for his micro-management of a 22 year old PA with a Glen Close fixation was laughable. This would be a sad situation for a man that made a mistake, except for the fact that he lost his job with the Mets for the same reason. This is where PCness is annoying. Here is a guy that doesn't need to apologize, he needs a chastity belt. His apology is a joke. It's one thing if he slipped up but this is the second time that he has blown it by making an ugly public mistake by getting blown by a ugly mistake publicly. He apologized because that's what you are suppose to do in this day an age. It's a joke. The only thing he is soprry about is that he didn't have Letterman's cred to manipulate the company's sexual harassment policy.
This ridiculous apology was followed by my favorite kicker, Steeler's Jeff Reed, saying that he was sorry for picking a fight with the Pittsburgh police. This was equally pathetic, not because it was his second offense but because he showed more fire during this press conference than he did on that kick return by Percy Harvin. Now that was pathetic. The other problem with this news conference was that he clearly didn't mean it. I mean Jeff Reed was only angry for one thing and that is that, much like a typical Steelers game, Matt Spaeth couldn't hold it.
Larry Johnson and Bob Griese were next up in the contrition parade with their shallow apologies for comments that were made off the cuff. Both of these men meant what they said. Both made comments that were completely deplorable, but both will make similar comments to their friends later today. LJ is a homophobic bigot and Griese is of a different era that has never been told to toe the line. Johnson wouldn't have made the same golf-centric homophobic comments about Belicheat, and yet Billy has as much experience playing in the NFL as Todd Haley. Much like my children stealing cookies, Larry Johnson isn't sorry that he made these comments, he's sorry that he got caught. Same goes for Griese. Sure it's inappropriate to say Juan Montoya was off having a Taco, but he wasn't sorry that he said it. These guys are apologizing because they have to. They are both idiots, but we live in a country that is suppose to allow such behavior.
The worst apology in the history of the planet came today from Jets QB Mark Sanchez. Sanchez apologized for eating a hot dog on the sideline. I'm not kidding. He said that he was sorry that he ate a hot dog during the Jets game this weekend. For who? For what? Did he offend the hamburgers of the world? Perhaps Pizza lovers felt slighted. More pathetic than this apology is the publicist that told him he had to. I mean get over it.
Hot Dog Apologies now THAT is an unexpected event.
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