On the First Day of Christmas...

My true love gave to me, a "Team Tiger" reversible tee.

Nah, just kidding, I hate that guy and apparently so do many of you., It was announced today that Tiger has taken the biggest nose dive in the history of the Q-Rating. For the uninitiated a person's Q-Rating, or favorablility rating, determines your worth with the general public. It is a rating system that determines where sponsorship dollars go. Tiger Woods, as the first billionaire athlete, had a higher favorability rating than anyone...ever. People like Tom Hanks and Angelina Jolie are too liberal to stay with Tiger. And sports personalities are too polarizing because of the legions of fans that root against players like Tom Brady and Derek Jeter.

Tiger had it all, he, along with Oprah and Obama, is the most successful high profile minority in the history of the United States and he did so by dominating the most country club elitest sport this side of Polo. Conservatives and Liberals can't agree on anything except for their universal love for Tiger Woods.

Unfortunately Tiger likes to spread his "universal love"...to EVERYone. This single act of stupidity, and when I say single I mean of course multiple acts with hundreds of people spread out over the better part of a decade, has led to the single biggest free fall since The Depression. No, not THIS depression. The one with the Shanty Towns and the Orphanages...you know, the one from Annie, THE Depression.

Think about it, Tiger's face plant is bigger than Bill Clinton, David Letterman, O.J. Simpson, Ray Lewis, Roman Polanski and Milli Vanilli combined.

Bill Clinton and David Letterman each gave new meaning to the term "doing it for the kids" by teaching young interns how things work in the real world. And by real world I can only assume they mean the long running MTV show where people drink like the Kennedys and sleep around like, uh, well the Kennedys.

Letterman, thanks to an alleged threat of extortion, got out in front of his indiscretion by making uncomfortable jokes about his creepiness. While Slick Willie tried to deny everything, but in the end fell on the sword and asked for forgiveness.

 "I did not have sexual relations with that girl, Miss Lew- wait what? On her dress? Ooohh, COMEON! Who does that? Did she think it was a Petri Dish? Ok, I made some mistakes and I would like to apologize to the American Public because I'm a man...with NEEEEEDS. And after my term ends I have to spend the rest of my life with she who shan't be named. Can you FEEL MY pain?"

In both cases they bounced back and continued right where they left off. Letterman actually benefitted in the ratings and everyone knew Clinton was a horndog. Clinton has regained his stature to such a degree that he was the go to person when we were trying to save those stranded desperate girls from North Korea. Think about THAT. Can you imagine some official government type knocking on your door and telling you not to worry Bill Clinton is going to rescue your teenage daughter from some terrorists crazy Despot looking to rule the world. It's like a James Bond movie right?

O. J. was almost completely off the radar when he killed Nicole and Ron and he had a history of violence, so it wasn't like he was making Rent-a-car commercials a the time. Ray Lewis is more popular today then he was before he was accused of murder. And, Roman Polanski has been collecting Oscars and Lifetime Achievement awards during his vacation in France ever since he was convicted of rape. All three of tese guys felt no long term effects from their scandals.

I have no doubt that Tiger will regain many of his sponsors, much the way that Kobe did. He will come on Oprah, tell the world that he is a Sex Addict and his Q-Rating will bounce back. But he will never again be what he was. He will not be asked to host an event at an Inauguration. He won't be asked to speak about Human Rights in Korea. Organizations that depend on credibility, honest and professionalism won't come back around because no matter what he does he will be remembered for this past two and a half weeks.

He might as well embrace his true seedy self. Own it. Don't apologize for the behavior, don't pretend to be "working through" your problems. Please don't tell us you are going to try and patch things up with Elin. It's stupid and nobody will ever believe it. Become the villain. Embrace the black hat. Let Phil carry the mantle for awhile. Go the other way. That would be the most interesting thing he could do, but it won't happen because he has conditioned himself to being something that he's not for so long he actually believes he deserves to be the good guy. A role he believes he is entitled to...not unlike Roger Clemens.

[editor's note- It was reported today that Tiger Woods might have a professional relationship with this guy. I'm sure it's nothing, just coincidental. I mean sure Tiger looks to have gained a hat size or two since 1996 but Tiger wouldn't use performance enhancers, right?]

Anyway, don't feel bad for The Cheetah, like all cats, he will land on his feet and he will become the greatest golfer of all-time.

The only difference will be the lack of deference.