The Pie Guy Cometh

I know that it's easy to say this today, but I have been a fan of A. J. Burnett from the moment he first unveiled his signature "Pie" move. Don't get me wrong "Pieing" has been around longer than the Designated Hitter, but Burnett brought it to the Yankees. Burnett's attitude has been completely refreshing.

Coming to the Yankees as a high priced free agent is often a death knell for a players productivity. Dave Winfield was The Compiler long before A-Rod, Ed Whitson, The Count, Rickey Henderson, Danny Tartabull, Randy Johnson, Jason Giambi are just a few on the long list of players that found NYC too big for their games. Face it Steve Sax and the scrappy Chuck Knoblauch both got such a bad case of the yips that they couldn't make the throw from second. It's hard to play in New York.

But this year seems to be different. From the jump C.C. Sabathia, Mark Teixeira and A. J. Burnett have come to play. None of them look like the stage is too big for them. Even during Teixeira's hitting slump leading upto the World Series, he looked like he was in control of his game and his emotions, and anchors the infield as well as anyone since Donnie Baseball. Sabathia has been the leader of the rotation throughout the regular season and play-offs and has proven the "experts" wrong on three days rest. Even in the game 1 loss C. C. only really made two bad pitches. [editor's note with Morgan Freeman voice over- C.C. Sabthia doesn't play for the Mets and he isn't Sid Fernandez but if you squint your eyes and the light is juuusst right...] As great as those guys have been the person who stands out to me is Burnett.

A. J. comes across as an A.J.. He has treated his first season in Gotham like a 18 year old senior playing for the local high school. Monkeying around in the bullpen, cracking jokes on the bench, having his kids answer questions during a press conference, and of course the Pies. Burnett seems to be having more fun playing baseball than anyone I can remember... that didn't get kicked out the game for betting. Tell me that you didn't do a double take the first time you saw A.J. pie that no-name rookie back in June. And it wasn't because you hadn't seen that act before, it's because you hadn't seen that act on the Yankees. Afterall this is the same organization that forced Johnny Damon to cut his trademark locks.

I don't think it's a coincidence that the Yankees led the league in walk-off wins this year. I know what you're saying, "Well they have the most talent off course they have the most walk-off wins." But they ALWAYS have the most talent, and they NEVER lead the league in comebacks. In the last one hundred years there have only been about twelve seasons where you couldn't make the argument that the Yankees had the most talent in the league. Most of the time that talent has their delicate collective psyche tied in such a knot that they fire easy ground outs into the Mezzanine.

This year is different before the Series even A-Rod seemed relaxed.[editor's note2.0- A-Rod has six K's in 8 at-bats. I'm not saying that I think he is going to face plant the rest of the way, but I'm not buying tickets behind firstbase anytime soon either. A-Rod's psyche makes Knoblauch's look like Dimaggio's.] I picked the Yankees in seven and I see no reason to change that prediction. Tell me you can't wait to see Burnett pie Jeter in the face after the Yankee Captain wins it with a walk-off double in the tenth.

One with Everything...Everything That Won't Offend Others Of Course.

I am told that Political Correctness exists for the safety of others. And that's fine, because in many of the most egregious cases I don't understand or see the issue. However things are really getting out of hand.

Just last week I was sitting in my sons classroom, for one of those elementary school open houses, when the teacher quieted us parents down for some "significant changes in the methodology for shepherding our youths." Really? Are they "Ours" because if they are I will gladly have you come over to my house at three in the morning the next time I need to unclog my toilet. But I digress.

She continued to talk down to us by saying that she was no longer going to be using the phrase "That is inappropriate" with our children when they do something wrong. Instead the entire faculty and administration will be charged to say, "Well that was an unexpected event." Are you kidding me? An unexpected event? I mean "inappropriate" is bad enough, but an unexpected event? An earthquake is an unexpected event. The Hindenburg was unexpected. Chewing with your mouth open is inappropriate. Smacking the kid in the back of the room with a ruler so you can take their lunch money is bad and needs to have serious consequences to curb future behavior.

Have I said too much? Apparently I have or at least I did because my wife had to listen to the remainder of this lecture on proper parenting presented by this twenty-five year old wymen's studies wall flower on her own as I was escorted from the premises.

After my abrupt dismissal from the school grounds I found myself teaching everyone a lesson by drinking scotch and watching ESPN.  I don't remember any of the scores but I do recall watching one apology after another. I watched mea culpa after mea culpa and the only thing I could think after each was, "these people are only apologizing because they are suppose to. These PC apologies have lost all meaning in the last ten years. No matter how absurd the comment, action or behavior there is an apology sure to follow.

Steve Phillips' apology for his micro-management of a 22 year old PA with a Glen Close fixation was laughable. This would be a sad situation for a man that made a mistake, except for the fact that he lost his job with the Mets for the same reason. This is where PCness is annoying. Here is a guy that doesn't need to apologize, he needs a chastity belt. His apology is a joke. It's one thing if he slipped up but this is the second time that he has blown it by making an ugly public mistake by getting blown by a ugly mistake publicly. He apologized because that's what you are suppose to do in this day an age. It's a joke. The only thing he is soprry about is that he didn't have Letterman's cred to manipulate the company's sexual harassment policy.

This ridiculous apology was followed by my favorite kicker, Steeler's Jeff Reed, saying that he was sorry for picking a fight with the Pittsburgh police. This was equally pathetic, not because it was his second offense but because he showed more fire during this press conference than he did on that kick return by Percy Harvin. Now that was pathetic. The other problem with this news conference was that he clearly didn't mean it. I mean Jeff Reed was only angry for one thing and that is that, much like a typical Steelers game, Matt Spaeth couldn't hold it.

Larry Johnson and Bob Griese were next up in the contrition parade with their shallow apologies for comments that were made off the cuff. Both of these men meant what they said. Both made comments that were completely deplorable, but both will make similar comments to their friends later today. LJ is a homophobic bigot and Griese is of a different era that has never been told to toe the line. Johnson wouldn't have made the same golf-centric homophobic comments about Belicheat, and yet Billy has as much experience playing in the NFL as Todd Haley. Much like my children stealing cookies, Larry Johnson isn't sorry that he made these comments, he's sorry that he got caught. Same goes for Griese. Sure it's inappropriate to say Juan  Montoya was off having a Taco, but he wasn't sorry that he said it. These guys are apologizing because they have to. They are both idiots, but we live in a country that is suppose to allow such behavior.

The worst apology in the history of the planet came today from Jets QB Mark Sanchez. Sanchez apologized for eating a hot dog on the sideline. I'm not kidding. He said that he was sorry that he ate a hot dog during the Jets game this weekend. For who? For what? Did he offend the hamburgers of the world? Perhaps Pizza lovers felt slighted. More pathetic than this apology is the publicist that told him he had to. I mean get over it.

Hot Dog Apologies now THAT is an unexpected event.

Ahhhh, youth sports. Is there anything more heart warming than watching your kid participate with their friends-

Hey down in front. I said out of the way butt hole. Look I'm paying top dollar for this $#!+. My kid is gifted and needs the extra time more than your kid. I mean just look at your kid. He's doing it ALL WRONG!! Hey Chuck you might want to let your kid drink from a straw from now on because he's sure good at sucking.

What? Oh lighten up, Chuck. It's a joke. Just because your six year old lacks any discernable skills doesn't mean that you have to lack any and all sense of humor. Learn to laugh at your son's failures...because that's what we're doing

Look this is supposed to be fun and with what I have seen so far, and knowing his gene pool, he's going to be dealing with athletic inadequacy for years. So here's a little friendly advice, you better teach that towel-fetching-clipboard-carrying-future statistician where his place is on this team and keep him out of my sons way. Nobody likes a bad loser.

Now where was I... Oh yeah, the joys of youth sports. It's really important to have fun at this age... Unless you suck in which case you should have fun playing Magik the role playing card game.