Bitter and Ignored

Congratulations to The Hangover guys for being named the GQ Men of the Year. That movie was awesome. Those guys really had a great chemistry from beginning to end and I really enjoy- Whoa, wait second. Where's the other guy? No, I know who Zack Galifianakis is. [editor's note- he hosts the greatest talk show ever. See it here.] I'm talking about the fourth guy, the guy that was getting married. You know, he was the funny sidekick/computer hacker with Nicholas Cage in National Treasur- er, I mean I'm looking up his resume on IMDB.com and...yes, it says here that he was in a movie called National Treasure and, it's follow up, National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets. Not that I have seen nor enjoyed the National Treasure series, I'm just reading about it here...on this website...called imdb...it stands for internet movie datab- oh, NEVER MIND!

How much does that have to suck, you get cast in a movie that absolutely hits a nerve with the movie going public and when GQ calls they ask for all of the guys from the movie...except you. That's got to hurt. And I can almost guarantee that he is sitting in a small rented house in Silver Lake stewing over the snub. The only thing that is going to sting more is when they do a sequel and replace him with the smirky guy from The Office.

Another person that is currently working the phones is the Teacher from Glee. I have never seen this movie, oh, it's a television program. Ohhhh, you see I wouldn't know because I have never seen that show, with all of the singing and the dancing. I am usually working out- er, I mean working on my car. Yep, that's what I'm usually doing. Working on the car, looking under the hood, at the, uhh, shocks, struts, whatnot. Because I definitely have NEVER seen Glee....

...Anywho, that Justin Timberlake wannabe has got to be screaming at his agent as we speak because he is getting absolutely no run whatsoever. Meanwhile all of those thirty year olds playing high schoolers are singing at the World Series, making appearances on Late Night Talk Shows, and hawking their Season One: The One with all of the Karaoke hit CD. Five will get you ten that he walks in a contract dispute over the summer.

You know who has every right to be bitter right now, Jenna Elfman. That loon signed up for The L. Ron Hubbard Fan Club thinking that it was her golden ticket into the Hollywood Elite. It had to look like a pretty good idea at the time. It was the late nineties, John Travolta was at the peak of his second wave, Kirstie Alley was still recognizable and on TV, and Sonny Bono was taking down the establishment in DC, and when I say taking down the establishment I mean, of course, that he was passing legislation as a Conservative Republican Senator.

It was a no brainer for Jenna, all she had to do was dedicate herself to finding her inner Thetan and bring along another "successful" actress. Fortunately for Ms. Elfman she had Leah Remini in tow, talk about finding a loop hole in the system. Come on, Leah Remini, what Tootie wasn't available?

Well Scientology isn't what it used to be, it doesn't help to have a figure head like Tom Cruise, he's just creepy. Elfman is married to someone named Bodhi, who isn't a bank-robbing-surfer, and is on the second best Cougar show on TV. And let me tell you, if you are coming in behind Cougar Town, in any kind of ranking system, it's O-V-E-R.

But the person that takes the cake is none other than Ed McMahon. Ed was the good solider on the Tonight Show for thirty years, many of them sober ones. He was constantly the butt of Johnny's jokes, he was moved out of frame once a guest arrived on the couch, he lost all of his money to ex-wives, bad business deals and gas money on the Publisher Clearing House Sweepstakes Prize Patrol and he even had to host a TV Show with Dick Clark. Ed paid his dues, so when he died this summer it was about time for him to get some well deserved recognition, a moment of reverence and finally that syrupy People Cover Story retrospective.

Two days later, Whammo, Farrah Fawcett AND Michael Jackson died on the same. Oh, COME ON! Are you serious? Sorry Ed, but we are going to have to bump you for time.

So here's to the fourth guy from The Hangover, the Teacher from Glee, kooky Scientologist and talentless actress Jenna Elfman, sidekick extrordinaire Ed McMahon and all the other ignored and overlooked. I feel the need to say you will be missed...but we all know that really isn't the case.