Hey, Hey Paula

Paula Abdul is officially the stupidest person on the planet. Okay, maybe this just her most recent example of stupidity; and, in fairness maybe that title really sits with her agent/manager/colorist/trainer/ or whatever bright shiny object effects her decision making. But the bottom line is by leaving American Idol (a show that makes me shutter at the very sound of it) she demonstrated why we are all idiots for giving people second chances.

Ms. Abdul had it all in the late eighties. She was a marginally successful singer, she taught cheerleading to a bunch of bad actresses and dated exotically named talents Emilio and Arsenio. She really had the tiger by the orbs, I tell ya. And then she slowly and quietly drifted away, like an ethereal spirit into the afterlife or hockey.

Without warning or any semblance of reason she exploded back onto the scene with a British created game show named American Idol. Secretly I think this was only part of a much more sinister plan put forth by a bunch of revenge minded Brits that are clearly trying to get back at us for the American Revolution and George Bush, but I digress.

Only in America does an apparently drug addled talentless hack, whose only real contribution to the music industry was the use of the body slimming technique of vertical lensing in videos, get a gig that requires her to evaluate karaoke. What? Really? I mean that would be like getting Knight Rider to evaluate a talent show. Wait, what? They do? There is!?!? Oh, come on.

But I don't begrudge Ms. Abdul, she hit the mother lode. She was making millions of dollars a year thanks to the disintegration of taste in America and the free market. And it wasn't like it was taxing for her. All they wanted from her was to be weird, quirky and display no ability to speak in coherent sentences whatsoever. It would be like paying A-Rod a bonus to choke with the game on the line in October. I mean he's going to do that for ya anyway.

Despite all that, and instead of signing the multi-million dollar offer on the table for judging this game show, she decided to hire a new take-no-prisoners agent to employ the darkest most sinister of negotiating tactics known at CAA as The Dunkleman Gambit.

Thanks for coming Paula, you get a home version of the game.