SI Cover HiJinks

I saw -er, I mean, heard. Heard that David Letterman unveiled the latest cover of the Sport Illustrated, Swimsuit Edition the other night on his show. The above photo of Brooklyn Decker was chosen to be the 47th cover of the always controversial issue spotlighting bikinis as they relate to sports.

As the preeminent leader in sports journalism, Sports Illustrated decided almost 50 years ago to sully their good name by dedicating one issue a year to the adoration of the flesh. The Swimsuit Issue. It's pathetic really. I mean, Ms. Decker is barely wearing a swimsuit. Maybe she is putting one on but...AND exactly what does this picture or her swimsuit have to do with sports? Why put her on the cover? If it's the "swimsuit" issue shouldn't the cover have someone on it that can swim? Like Australia's Lisbeth Trickett. Some think that she is the female Michael Phelps. There, uh, she is to the right.

I find this whole "Swimsuit Issue" thing deplorable and a real indication of the depths of depravity that our society is so eager and willing to go to in the name of capitalism.

I'm not sure why, but I felt myself unable to concentrate at work, I became consumed by this fascination with the Swimsuit Issue. It seems to me that women don't normally make it on the cover of Sports Illustrated unless they are in this issue.  Well it turns out I'm not alone in my disgust. I stumbled across this recent editorial here . I'm not sure who this person is but she makes some interesting points and I know that Christine Brennan would agree, don't you think?

You see I'm not the only one feeling that SI has lost its way. Many have taken to waving the flag of injustice when it comes to women gracing the cover of the nations leading sports publication. And we aren't going to rest until we start seeing some changes. Frankly, many of us are tired of the hypocrisy and the unrealistic expectations propagated by those smutty covers. LIKE THIS ONE OVER HERE!

Some top people that count these kinds of things have said that there are an inordinate amount of men that make it on the cover of SI. And to make matters worse, that on the rare occasion that a woman actually does make it to the cover, God for bid, they are often seen in a less athletic and authentic poses than their male counter parts.

I'm not sure if I agree with those claims, so why don't I let you be the judge.

Here are the last three, non bikini-clad, women to make it to the cover of Sports Illustrated. From left to right, Alpine Skier Lindsay Vonn (February, 2010), Softball sensation, Jenny Finch (July, 2005) and Equal Rights Activist/Tennis legend, Billie Jean King (July, 1973)

So it's not like women never make the cover. But are they being objectified? I'm not sure. Lindsay regularly skis in full make-up and without a helmet. It's probably coincidental that Bill Murray is pointing at Jenny Finch's, um, tail feathers. And as far as that cover goes, at least she's holding...wait a second is she holding a wiffle ball and wiffle bat? That's strange. Well anyway, wiffleball/softball, tomato/tomAHto. And of course Billie is gliding across the neatly trimmed carpet at Wimbledon. See, completely harmless.

Ok, so maybe SI is being wrongly accused of objectifying female athletes, mostly because they aren't SUB-jectified enough in the magazine to be OB-jectified. But that still doesn't explain the gutter mindedness of SI's marketing strategy.

You know what, let's stop pussyfooting around the issue. Let's ask the man in charge of Sports Illustrated. Let's asked the one person who is ultimately responsible for making these magazines (like the one I included on the right) available to the public. Editor-in-Chief, John Huey needs to answer a few questions for his actions. It's about accountability people.

JUDY! Get me John Huey on the horn... No, the horn. The Phone. Could you call John Huey for me, please. No, I know Tom Dewey is dead. I'm looking for the Editor-in- nevermind, I'll do it. 

Can't people see I'm trying to Blog here...Geez, I mean swimsuit models aren't coming off the covers on their ow-

Hello, John Huey please...Trip Pierson...me? Oh, I'm a...um...I'm, uh...a writer. Yeah and I have a few questi- No a writer. What do you mean For who? Don't you mean "For WHOM?" Haha, I thought so...ahuh....I see...yes ma'am...very well. click

Look, it's not important to get a statement from a blowhard like John Huey, anyway. I mean he's totally going to defend these actions. No matter who gets hurt. The editors of Sports Illustrated are clearly trying to tell us that covers like this one on the right of Cheryl Tiegs helps to sell magazines. Oh, suuuuuure. Of course thats exactly what those pencil pushing number crunchers at Sports Illustrated want us to think. Ha, I'd like to see them prove that one! Who would buy a sports magazine without any sports in it? Morons. Cancun my foot.

I, for one think it's shameful, that a wholesome American magazine that deals with real issues in sports like dog fighting, cocaine abuse, guns in the locker room and domestic violence would feel the need to stoop to such sleezy depths.

Anything for the all mighty dollar, eh? Maybe that explains this previous SI Cover filth featuring Elle MacPherson. She doesn't even have any goggles. Shame on you. I hope you sleeeep well, Sports Illustrated. I hope you sleep well.

It's embarrassing and gratuitous. Especially in this day and age of enlightenment. Sports is often seen as a microcosm of our society and today women are beating men when provided an even playing field. Why not celebrate those accomplishments.

Abby Sunderland is half way to becoming the youngest person to circumnavigate the globe, Ashley Force Hood is coming off her best year yet, finishing second in the overall for Funny Car Driver of the year, the UConn Huskies are in the midst of the second greatest winning streak in the history of Basketball, the aforementioned Lindsay Vonn is set to become the most decorated American skier in Olympic history, Serena Williams is carving out one of the greatest career's in the history of tennis and Kelly Kulick just became the first woman to win a PBA Event.

But do we hear about any of that? No. Apparently SI thinks we're too stupid to see through their little advertising ploy. They don't respect us, or women in general (take a look at the cover to the right. That's Tyra Banks BEFORE her television show...do you see the difference?). The people at SI don't think that we can handle an in-depth look the inconsistencies that are inherent with say the NCAA taking advantage of college athletes for profits in mutli-million dollar video gaming world. Or that that same organization looks the other way when crooked coaches skirt and bend the rules to meet their personal needs. No we can't handle true investigative journalism, story telling or depth we are always wowed by the bright shiny object. They think of us as lemmings blindly marching to the cliff. Well not me, not on my watch.

And speaking of seeing through things. What's with all of the body painting. Didn't Sports Illustrated figure out that we, the consumer, find body paint kind of creepy? I mean Goldfinger killed people with that stuff. And believe me, nobody's going to be interested in seeing a bunch of models running around with their skin painted. What do they think we're thirteen? I mean who's going to spend their hard earned money trying to catch a glimpse of a painted naked woman?

I want to also take this time to thank the thousands of you that write, call, e-mail and text. You all always seem to ask the same question over and over again. "Trip, how do you do it? How do you keep your moral compass pointing North?"

Well, I'll let you in on a little secret. It's not easy. I get up every day and make sure, and I mean one hundred percent sure, that I don't, under any circumstances subject myself or my family to covers like this one on the right. I think she's the one that was married to the guy from Full House.

So I will fight against those who pray upon the weak. And I will pledge o you that this blog will stay dedicated to fighting for those who can't see right from wrong. I will make sure to tell you when you are doing something wrong. And I will share with you the many ways I am a better person than you will ever be capable of becoming. THIS is my cross to bare.

I can be your conscience, your guide, your guardian angel. And I have provided below an introductory cheat sheet of just a few of the people you should avoid.