Rooting Interest

Super Bowl Sunday is like a minute an a half away and I still don't know who to root for. What to do?

Here's the typical thought process. I love the Steelers, which means I hate, in order: The Ravens, Browns, Bengals, Raiders, Patriots, Cowboys, Broncos, Dolphins and Titans (they used to be the Oilers afterall). The last six are ranked on a sliding scale depending on the year. So when it comes to the Super Bowl, I have been really lucky over the last several years because it was easy to determine my rooting interest. You see typically the Steelers are in the Super Bowl and on the very rare occasion that they aren't  I can typically count on rooting against the Patriots, Ravens, Raiders, Broncos, Titans or Cowboys. 

This year is different, because by some weird circumstance none of the aforementioned teams made it to the big game. This year we have the wholesome Indianapolis Colts and the real America's Team, New Orleans Saints. The only fair thing to do is weigh all the issues that are the pertinent:

Most Popular Player-

Most people immediately jump on the Peyton's-such-a-good-guy bandwagon, but not me. The guy that is the easiest to root for on the Colts is...Pierre Garcon. Garcon fits the classic hero out of nowhere mold and to make him even more likeable he's from Haiti. He played inspired football in the AFC Championship Game and is gracious and humble.

For the Saints you have to take Drew Brees. Brees has all of the intangibles that made Doug Flutie popular with the added bonus of being well liked by his teammates. This guy is a hard working over achiever in a 6-foot softball player's body. He used to beat Andy Roddick in tennis, back in the day, and has quietly helped nurse New Orleans back from Katrina. Watch his pregame chant with the team and you will want to run through a wall for him.

I know it might seem unfair but I'm an under achieving 6-footer in a bowlers body so I'll take Brees. Saints 1-0

Most Annoying Player-

When he was with the Giants the answer would've been Jeremy Shockey in a walk. But since he moved to New Orleans he has been hampered with injuries. His health coupled with getting away from the New York Media, the big jerks, Shockey has appeared humbled and much less annoying.

So for me, the most annoying player on the Saints is...Reggie Bush. This guy was made out to be the next of O.J. Simpson. The speed, the explosiveness, the suddenness. The national media told us he had it all, he was the complete package. But in his four years in the league he has accumulated just UNDER 2,000 rushing yards. In four YEARS. T-O-T-A-L. So unless he starts killing people, Bush doesn't share any attributes with the Juice. In fact, everything about Reggie Bush is overrated...including his girlfriend, Kim Kardashian. Wait a second...Kardashian...how about that, there is an O.J. connection afterall.

Perhaps the most annoying thing about the Colts is that they don't have enough personality to BE annoying. Peyton's kind of annoying, I guess, you know with all of the hand jestures. He approaches the line of scrimmage like he's got flag duty on the tarmac of O'Hare. Ok, I don't really find him that annoying I just wanted to work "tarmac" into the blog so I could win a bet from a buddy of mine.

So, anyway, most annoying Colt. I'm going with Jim Irsay. His family was ultimately responsible for moving the team out of Baltimore, I hate the Ravens, the Baltimore Ravens wouldn't exist if not for Irsay, ergo through the Law of Syllogism I hate Irsay.

The Colts complete lack of interesting characters makes this another win for the Saints. Saints 2-0

Home Town/City

Let's see Nola versus Indianapolis. Hmmm. How do I decide on which city to root for. It's so hard. I mean how do you determine which city is more interesting and rootable?

New Orleans is known for its music, cuisine and ambiance while Indianapolis is famous for...uh...hrum...ah...being located in the middle of Indiana? No, that's not fair. Let's investigate a little further. I'll just open another tab here and use, the always reliable and incredibly accurate, Wiki-pedia. And search for Indianapolis, Indiana. This should give me everything I could ever hope to- What d'ya mean no results?
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There were no results matching the query. Indianapolis, Indiana doesn't exist. Nobody has ever heard of it.

Hey, wait a minute, my assistant Judy's from Indianapolis, so it must exist. Hey, Judy, get in here! This Green Tea is garbage and I thought I told you I hate things with a hint of mint. Don't give me excuses. The reason I called you in. What is THE coolest section of Indianapolis. You know somewhere that Kurt Vonnegut might have hung out, back in the day. Broad Ripple Village? You've got to be. Oh that's a real place? Because it sounds like the bonus section on Candyland. Sorry, thanks that's actually helpful. On your way. Oh, be a dear and bring me a chilled Kambucha would you...Grape, thhhhannnnks.

Ok, now we're getting somewhere. Broad Ripple Village. Ah-ha, says here that the motto there is "We're Open If You Are." That's promising...or really, really creepy. I mean, open to what? Maybe Indianapolis really does, as the kids say, have it going on. Well at least there's parking. Here's a picture of the hottest spot in Indianapolis.

Let's compare that to, oh I don't know, say the French Quarter. You know what? I don't think the French Quarter even HAS a motto. Which is totally lame. Now I've never been to New Orleans, but I'll bet that Mardi Gras thing is as overrated as Reggie Bush. Let's see here's a picture of a New Orleans hot spot...

Saints 3-0


Famous People


New Orleans has, grouped by category- writers: Truman Capote, William Faulkner, Elmore Leonard, Anne Rice and Tennessee Williams; musicians: Louis Armstrong, Lee Collins, Harry Connick Jr., The Marsalis Family, The Neville Brothers, Trent Reznor, Fats Domino, and Louis Prima; and finally Fat Loss guru Richard Simmons.


Indianapolis has, in order of importance- Kurt Vonnegut, David Letterman, Raggedy Ann, Dan Quayle, inventor of the sleeper-old Johnny Weaver and Vivica A. Fox.


It's a close one but, Saints 4-0


Miscellaneous

Nobody has been the architect to more Super Bowl losers than the Colts Team President Bill Polian

If the Saints win we'll get to enjoy Tom Benson dancing under his Umbrella, ella, ella.

Drew Brees is about three years away from losing all of his hair, and you know the old saying...Always root for the bald guy.

The Colts wussed out when they were staring an undefeated season in the face. The football gods don't typically like that sort of thing. 

Everybody is picking the Colts but hedging their bets by saying that they'd, "Really like to see the Saints win." Bull$#!+

Not me. I'm going all-in with the Saints. 

New Orleans 34 Indianapolis 28